Overview
First, let's assert that if you're a male b0gger, you are likely as single as Scott Peterson but with fewer prospects and not nearly as hot. In this article, Ill attempt to outline some basic requirements and reveal a few secrets to gaining the affections of women. I am a certified Vaginologist with years of experience. Not recomended for female b0gger reading.
posted by problems on Saturday 8th March 2008, 11:06:43
Some magazines like to tell us who is hot and who is not , but no one really caters for us b0ggers. So I asked you, fellow B0ggers to create your own list of hotties, and you came out in droves to nominate the b0ggers you think deserve to be on the B0g Hot 11 List. *Thousands of votes later, we have the results.
How is our list different from the glossy magazines, like Maxims.. well none of the top 10 people on our list are mentioned anywhere on the Maxim list.
Clearly, what us b0ggers finds sexy in a person is a little bit different.
But there is one thing all the people on the list have in common: They're more than just pretty faces. Many of these people aren't just b0ggers we like, they're people we want to be like — people we admire as well as want to fuck.
posted by nymphetamine on Sunday 10th June 2007, 13:59:46
This question has posed itself for me on many occasions. It just so happens that this last Valentine’s Day, and the lack of a relationship on my part, has afforded me the boredom, but most importantly the time, to write an article about this topic.
First off let me say that if you were hoping for “ALL OF THEM DOOOO CAUSE JOO GOTTA GURRRLFREN” you will sadly be mistaken. In fact, very few, if any, pose good fortune on those of you with relationships.
New Years
Now you may be thinking, “NEW YEARS! SWEET I LOVE THIS HOLIDAY!” If so, then you suck, and you should probably slit your wrists because no one celebrates New Years, everyone celebrates New Year’s Eve. Fag.
As to why this holiday is bad for relationships, it is at this point that most people who have forgotten to create a New Year’s Resolution do so, and this includes your girlfriend. She will try to force you to join her in working out or eating healthy or to stop drinking/smoking pot. These are bad things.
Martin Luther King Jr Day
The only reason anyone celebrates this holiday is to get out of going to school or work and get in touch with their inner civil rights. Fuck Martin Luther King Jr. and fuck this holiday. If you are dating a black girl on this holiday she will probably get all militant nígger on you and try to force you to respect her.
Groundhog Day
If you live in Minnesota, or wherever the fuck they celebrate this holiday (because everyone else in America thinks groundhogs are dirty, mangy, disgusting animals who’s only contribution is that when you shoot them they make funny squealing noise)…what the fuck was I saying, oh yeah, if they celebrate this holiday where you live then they probably have a big polka party sing along, like in that ridiculous stupid movie with Bill Murray…the one that didn’t have a plot and all the characters seemed like disgusting stock individuals with nothing to add…what was it called…oh yeah Broken Flowers (wait that movie had a full nude 16 year old)…fuck I keep getting sidetracked, the point is your girl will want you to go with her to this ridiculous party that is hosted outdoors in the middle of fucking 30 degree weather (if you’re lucky) and you’ll freeze your ass off for hours on end for a goddamn rodent.
Valentine's Day
Ah Valentine’s Day…all I really need to say is chocolate, flowers, teddies, and cards are expensive. These are bad things.
President's Day
This isn’t even a holiday, who the fuck celebrates this shit. Fine I’ll indulge you and say you’re dating some history nut, in which case she’s probably boring as fuck already and why the fuck are you dating her? For those great historian titties? Get a fucking life.
April Fool's Day
This holiday sucks because most guys celebrate this by doing something that is fucking hilarious to anyone with a fucking funny bone, but she always has to fucking take it as you being an asshole and why the hell can’t you do something nice or funny for her, except it was funny, she’s just fucking retarded.
Easter
If you celebrate Easter you’re either a Christian or an 8 year old, and either case you’re an imbecile. What’s worse is if you’re a pedophile and she’s 8 then that means you have to buy her a chocolate bunny and hide Easter eggs which takes time away from doing important things like tapping that sweet 8 year old ass.
Earth Day
What are you some kind of hippy? Ok I’ll give you that you’re dating a hippy, in which case, I’m sure hairy legs, stinky vagina’s, and disgusting dreadlocks are your thing. You sick hippy fuck.
Mother's Day
This holiday sucks not only because you have to buy your own mother something, but because, if you’re Trizzle, you have to buy your baby’s momma something as well. You have a slim chance of getting sex though, pending you actually remembered the day, from your girl not your mom you sick fucks, but then she’ll think she’s getting old and get all pouty like, “Wah I’m an old maid” and you’ll have to take off her oxygen mask because tears from old people can drowned them while they’re laying on their death bed.
Memorial Day
Well aren’t you a fancy fuck for celebrating Memorial Day. What are you some sort of veteran? You suck, because you’re probably older than Mr. Blackula and you already have to worry about things like mortgages and shit like that. Enjoy getting some from your over 40 wife. BAAAD
Flag Day
You are probably gayer than aids if you celebrate Flag Day. Seriously you should be shot. This is bad for relationships because when your girl finds out you celebrate this holiday she will undoubtedly leave your goofy ass.
Father's Day
Yeah, no I’m sure Father’s Day is great for relationships. She’ll probably say something about you like, “he-he you’re even started to act like your father” and you’ll explode and say something like, “YEAH WELL YOU’RE ABOUT AS FAT AS YOUR MOTHER!” and then she’ll cry. You suck.
Independence Day
She’s going to drag you to some cookout that her boss throws every year, in an effort to get on his good side and you’ll spend all day wondering if she’d suck him off for a raise too, if that was something she’s capable of, for dragging you to this hell that is the office cookout. Khaki shorts suck and you look like a tool when you wear them, fag.
Labor Day
The only people who celebrate Labor Day are white fucks with too much khaki. Only you can’t remember if it’s this holiday or was it Memorial Day that you can’t wear white afterward. Then you’ll realize that your boyfriend is giving head to some guy behind your back and when you approach him about it he’ll do that snap thing and tell you to stop being so bossssyyyy. Goddamn I hate that song.
Columbus Day
Most people don’t celebrate this holiday because they say Leif Erickson discovered the new world some centuries before, but what these pretentious fucks don’t realize is that INDIANS WERE HERE WAY BEFORE THOSE FAGGY NORSK’S. Also your girlfriend hates you because you shouted this at her when she got all uppity about Columbus not doing shit in means of discovering.
Halloween
This holiday, while it may seem cool in theory, is bad because when you get really sloshed and start making out with her, only to realize that there are about 3 other girls dressed as Nurses and you’re kissing the wrong one. Ha-ha you made out with the chick with the hairy mole and the lazy eye.
Veteran's Day
I thought I covered this on Memorial Day. How many fucking holidays do old people need?
Thanksgiving
I’m sure it will be loads of fun getting to spend time with her family as her bratty little nephews spill fucking fruit juice ALL OVER YOUR NEW KHAKI’S. Oh shit it’s after Labor Day and you’re still wearing white. Oh shit you just acknowledged the fact that a bogus holiday can dictate what you wear. You’re probably gay.
So I’ve discussed the bad holidays, but fear not there are a few that aren’t terrible. Here they are from worst to best.
New Year's Eve
This is another holiday that you would think would be great, you get to party with a bunch of people, but when you find an empty room and start going at it, only to be poked in the ass by a deely-bopper-hat, and then have every drunk single guy bust in with a camera to get shots of your naked ass and post it all over the internets. But hey you got fucked, so it wasn’t that bad.
Cinco de Mayo
What are you fucking Mexican? Of course not, because more American’s celebrate this holiday than goddamn Mexicans. But let’s say you’re dating a Latino broad and she celebrates this most holy of 5th’s in which case you’ll probably get really sloshed and so will she and you can have great drunk sex. These are good things.
St. Patrick's Day
This is the best holiday to have a relationship on, and here is why. It is socially accepted, hell it’s practically forced on you to get shit faced drunk. How the fuck can you get any better. Oh yeah your girl is drunk as a skunk as well, and she’s feeling frisky, and her roommate, that smoking hot Latino girl you’ll probably be seeing on Cinco De Mayo, just convinced her to have a three-way with your drunk ass. This is the best of all things.
So that’s it. If I missed your holiday it is because it either didn’t end with “Day”, it was incredibly stupid (Chinese New Year’s? Yeah, ok Chairman Mao, go back to fucking China)
Oh and that Bill Murray thing is totally true. Hot, hot, full nude 16 year old.
posted by kogneto on Saturday 17th February 2007, 13:06:45
Following Ms. O'Donnell's untimely quips about Anna Nicole Smith, just hours before her death. Guilt, it would appear, has motivated the celebrity lesbian to accept the role as the new face of slimming wonder drug that Ms Smith had made her own.
Breakfast lunch and dinner for Rosie
Rosie will attempt to shed her current 300lbs weight and reduce to a size 0 in just 4 weeks.
Doctors have warned that this could be dangerous, not only to Ms O'Donnell but to others due to the amount of methane gas produced.
Ms. O'Donnell pulled out of her launch of the new Mc 'Elvis' Burger (Peanut Butter, Jello (Jam) and goose fat on a 1/2 pound slab of ground beef) at The Ronald McDonald 'Super-size' Restaurant ( Known locally as GREASLAND), Memphis Tennessee, scheduled for today. A role she hastily accepted after Kirsty Alley and Janet Jackson were found to be too slim.
Ms. O'Donnell accepted the fat shedding challenge in deference to Anna Nicole Smith's talent, also fearing the legal team that a money grabbing law firm could assemble on the back of the disputed fortune left by the Silicone Siren.
Ms O'Donnell stated today of the 4 week task..."It's do or die".
"Fingers crossed Rosie!"
posted by pariah on Monday 12th February 2007, 14:09:26
A cargo container that apparently fell from a ship washed up on the Outer Banks of North Carolina on Thursday and spilled thousands of bags of Doritos brand tortilla chips on the beach. People collected the chips, which were apparently still fresh due to their airtight packaging. It was unknown which ship had lost the cargo or to what port it was bound.
posted by toecap on Friday 1st December 2006, 14:16:43
Raider Nation encounters problems - White Substance Found on Field
Associated Press (11/21/2006, 11:30 AM PST)
OAKLAND , (CA)--Oakland Raiders football practice was delayed nearly two hours today after a player reported finding an unknown white powdery substance on the practice field. Head coach Art Shell immediately suspended practice and called the police and federal investigators. After a complete analysis, FBI forensic experts determined that the white substance unknown to Raider players was the GOAL LINE. Practice resumed after special agents decided the team was unlikely to encounter the substance again.
posted by midibite on Monday 27th November 2006, 11:51:20
Ah baseball, the "All American Sport"! Since its invention in the 1800s, America's "national pastime" has become a very commercialized sport, involving players earning tens of millions of dollars, attracting millions of viewers.
posted by Bionic-Badger on Saturday 2nd September 2006, 17:52:19
A list follows of all files that were uploaded during the last month. If you see a file that you uploaded, then please resubmit an article linking to it as normal. You do not need to reupload the file as it is already on the server. The post limit per day has been increased to 10.
Please link to: /wsnm/uploads/FILENAME
posted by tress on Friday 1st September 2006, 12:41:35
WHAT: An alarm clock that wakes you up with the smell and sizzle of cooking bacon.
WHY: No one likes to wake up, especially by an alarm. This clock gently wakes you up with the mouthwatering aroma of bacon, just like waking up on a Sunday morning to the smell of Mom cooking breakfast. Unless you're Jewish.
HOW: A frozen strip of bacon is placed in Wake n' Bacon the night before. Because there is a 10 minute cooking time, the clock is set to go off 10 minutes before the desired waking time. Once the alarm goes off, the clock it sends a signal to a small speaker to generate the alarm sound. We hacked the clock so that the signal is re-routed by a microchip that in responds by sending a signal to a relay that throws the switch to power two halogen lamps that slow-cook the bacon in about 10 minutes.
By Matty Sallin, Daniel Bartolini, Hsiao-huh Hsu
posted by toecap on Friday 21st July 2006, 14:19:23
How To Snare A GF!
<-Secrets Revealed
